When in Rome...

Well you may have heard the Pope is resigning. First Pope to retire in like 600 years, one of the most powerful positions in the world, huge scandals going on, Scottish Cardinal just announced his resignation amidst sex scandals…kind of a big deal. The Pope is basically upstaging our tour, so we had to move our visit to St. Peter’s to today. I’m not complaining, it was incredible as ever. But let me start with our morning.

On the bus we meet our Rome tour guide. YESSSSSS! She is UNREAL. This woman makes eye contact with you to the point where you are shaking with laughter. She is in a continuous bow, varying degrees depending on whom she is leaning toward. This Italian gets inches from your face, her crooked teeth emphasizing that Marc Antony was here. HERE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? You nod, terrified. She leans in, her eyes locking into yours—“…and what do you see?” Confused, you ignore her question and nod, she points with her oddly massive hands, indicating some obscure statue, you take this opportunity to look at a building’s cornice, grateful to break eye-contact. When you turn back toward her, you nearly touch faces “The statues make the building appear taller,” SHE HAS SEEN YOUR SOUL AND YOU SHAKE AS SMALL STATUES STARE DOWN AT YOU. Her voice drops to a whisper (comical considering she is a tour guide and lecturing a group of 40 students) and you lose track of who is leaning into whom. “Do you understand?” she utters with the utmost solemnity, you bow and bob in affirmation. IT IS SPLENDID.

Doesn't convey intensity

Our guide also has an assistant who records everything the aforementioned Wonder says on a small device. She smiles at you knowingly. You’ll look up and meet a pair of grey orbs portentous of a tacit understanding though YOU HAVE NO MUTUAL AWARENESS. You find yourself smiling back, raising your eyebrows at a shared  comprehension THAT IS NOT REAL. You let out a small giggle at an inside joke WHICH DOES NOT EXIST. THESE WOMEN ARE FANCIFUL, WHIMSICAL SIBYLLS. Truly, they are a ridiculous team of bizarre birds and represent all that is right in the world.

As we drive to St. Paul of the Wall the assistant records dutifully as our tour guide points out walls and fields dramatically, “The third century… … … B.C.!” Suddenly she is pointing to the right, “LOOK! LOOK! TWO MEN KISSING ON THE RIGHT! HURRY-“ We all lurch to the right scanning the streets frantically. Confusion abounds. Hanna points to a small plaque of two men greeting one another. “That is where they say St. Peter and St. Paul met in Rome. Two men kissing, what did you think I meant? Now let us forget such nonsense, on your left you will see a wall from the fourth century… … B.C.!”

Divine.

So they take us to St. Paul of the Wall’s (erm, is that right?) and it’s HUGE and fantastic and there are Paul’s remains, no big deal, and it was glorious-- pun intended, yo.

Coliseum and Forum. No need to rant. Incredible.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?

Cassie took a spill (a horrible-front-flip-10-brick-stairs-ouch-spill) and ended up having to go to the hospital. She later regaled us with tales of a bankrupt, socialist, healthcare system. Awful. Basically it was a lot of waiting, pain, patting, and muttering. Nicole, aka most loyal friend ever (recall barfing in Prague), stayed with Cassie and her and Father Mark plotted an escape form the hellish Hospital of the Holy Spirit. Father Mark ended up Piggy-backing a lock-Kneed Cassie two blocks to the get-away bus stopped in the middle of the road. Fantastic.

Amberlie and Sam fightin' to the death

 While Cass was experiencing a great lack of care, we explored the Forum.

Lend me your eyes, readers, this funk is astounding.

Forum from behind my sunglass lense

My life in ruins, eh?

St. Peter’s next. So much excitement! Devout Catholics were buying tickets for the Pope’s final speech; nuns were darting through security lines, and St. Peter’s stood proud. The dome designed by Michelangelo dwarfing tourists and Fathers alike. So, yeah, it was cool.

Did I mention we snagged some old Bridge gelato? I bought lemon and strawberry (vegan, duhh), pretty great way to end the day.

Metro home.